What God Meant by Dawne Davis

Last night at our infertility support group, our facilitator shared an article with us. I found it so touching that I had to post it here. It was written for RESOLVE of Colorado by Dawne Davis. For those of you unfamiliar with RESOLVE, it's the National Infertility Association and their website, www.resolve.org, has tons of helpful resources. If you stumbled upon this blog because you are struggling with infertility, I highly recommend you visit the site. I also recommend finding a support group. Jeff and I are getting a lot out of ours and I wish we had done it sooner.

What God Meant by Dawne Davis

Couples experiencing infertility often receive well meaning, but extremely insensitive "advice." We can all list the most popular ones: "Just relax and you'll get pregnant," or "Adopt and you'll get pregnant," or the most painful from those who think they've got the goods on God's plan: "Maybe God never meant for you to have children." The sheer audacity of making a statement like that never fails to amaze me. The same people would never walk up to someone seeking treatment for cancer and say, "Maybe God never meant for you to live." However, because I'm infertile, I'm supposed to just get on with my life. It's hard to understand that people cannot see infertility for what it is: a disease for which I have the right to seek treatment. What if Jonas Salk had said to the parents of polio victims: "Maybe God meant for thousands of our children to be crippled, live in iron lungs, or die." What if he'd never tried to find a cure? Who could think for one minute that was God's plan?

What do I think God meant when he gave me infertility? I think he meant for my husband and me to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down. I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, create procedures and protocols. I think God meant for us to find a cure for infertility.

No, God never meant for me not to have children. That's not my destiny; that's just the fork in the road I'm on. I've been placed on the road less travelled, and like it or not, I'm a better person for it. Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven't let him down. Frankly, the truth be known, I think God has singled me out for special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known. While I would never have chosen infertility, I cannot deny that a fertile woman could never experience the joy that now awaits me. Yes, one way or another I will have a baby of my own. And the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice, I'll say, "Don't tell me what God meant when he handed me my infertility. I already know."