An Update and An Announcement

It's been a while since we've blogged, but it's had a rough few months around our house. Here's a timeline that will quickly catch you up to speed.

April: I started a new cycle on Easter weekend and our doctor gave us the "thumbs-up" to begin hormones in preparation for a frozen embryo transfer (FET). I took oral estrogen for 3 weeks, went in to have an ultrasound and schedule our FET and the ultrasound showed that my uterine lining was not thick enough. Our doctors wanted things to look perfect before transferring, so our FET was cancelled and were told to wait a month before trying again.

May: I started hormone injections since I did not respond well to the oral estrogen. My uterine lining looked perfect this time so we transfered our 2 remaining frozen embryos on May 21. A week later we found out we were pregnant again.

June-August: Weekly blood work showed that my HCG was doubling normally over the following three weeks, but I began to have some spotting, which turned into heavy bleeding. Diagnosis: Subchorionic Hemorrhage- a pocket of blood in the uterus. Dr. D told me it would not impact the pregnancy, but it was scary nonetheless.  Our 6 1/2 week ultrasound on June 18 showed one embryo with a fetal pole measuring normally. They couldn't detect the heartbeat yet, but assumed it was still just too early to show up. A follow-up ultrasound 5 days later showed no heartbeat and no growth since the previous ultrasound. Our pregnancy was not viable. We were devastated. How could this be happening AGAIN!? We got a prescription for a medication that would help my body rid itself of the pregnancy, and then took off to the beach for the weekend to grieve and process our loss. It's now two months later and my miscarriage is still not over. I had to take the medication twice, as it did not work the first time, and continue to have spotting and weekly blood work to check my HCG until things are complete. I am feeling much better physically, but look forward to days where I don't have the constant reminder of our loss.

Jeff and I have had some time over the past few months to grieve, do some soul searching, and think about our next steps. We've signed up for an infertility support group that will start in September. We've also made the decision not to pursue any more fertility treatments at this time. Our doctor still does not have a cause for my repeated pregnancy losses and says another round of IVF could work for us, but we are physically and emotionally worn down. I've been on fertility medications and hormones for over a year now and the idea of another round of IVF feels scary, uncertain, worrisome, stressful, draining....the list goes on. Becoming parents is our number one goal right now, not pregnancy, so we're looking into adoption! Like fertility treatments, adoption is scary, but it holds so much more promise and hope for us. We are really excited! We're in the very early stages--still reading books and blogs and requesting information from various agencies. We're hoping to schedule some consultations over the next few weeks and find an agency that is a good fit for us. Looks like our IVF blog is becoming an adoption blog! Stay tuned! :)

Thank You

This has been a crappy week, but because of each of you, it's been a little less crappy. Throughout the week we've gotten the kindest voicemails, text messages, emails and e-cards. Homemade cookies, flowers and chocolate covered strawberries have appeared at our door. Offers for meals and hugs from co-workers have brightened our days. You have no idea how much your prayers, love and support mean to us. Thank you so much.

We'll have to take at least a month off from trying to get pregnant, maybe longer. It's always hard to take time off. It feels like we're wasting time, and after two years of trying to have a baby, that's a very frustrating feeling. However, we know deep down that we need to use this time to recover emotionally and physically. I have been on fertility drugs since June and my body has been through a lot this past month. I'm actually looking forward to a "no hormones added" cycle. We're hoping a mini vacation in March and our upcoming bathroom remodel will be fun distractions and will help the next month or two pass quickly.

Our meeting with Dr. D has been rescheduled for Monday, March 5. I'll post an update after that consult. Hopefully, we'll have a plan for moving forward that we feel good about.

Another Loss

It's been a really hard weekend for us.

On Friday I started having severe abdominal pain on my right side and my lower back. We immediately called our fertility doctor, but because I wasn't spotting he didn't think I was miscarrying. We had no idea what was wrong. We thought it could be a pulled muscle, a kidney stone, or appendicitis. When I started to vomit from the pain, Jeff decided to take me to the ER. Once there, we found out that I had several really large ovarian cysts, mostly on my right ovary that were causing all of my pain. These are a result of my stimulation medicine and are really nothing more than very large follicles filled with fluid. My biggest was 7cm. They are extremely painful, but will go away on their own. There really isn't any treatment for them except pain medication.

While we were at the ER they checked my HCG level and we were extremely saddened to hear that it had dropped from 1,900 on Monday to 1,500. We knew what that meant. We went back to our fertility doctor today and my HCG had dropped all the way to 330, and they confirmed that I am having another miscarriage. I do not have any bleeding yet, but because my hormones are dropping on their own, they suspect that it will come soon. According to my doctor, this has nothing to do with my ovarian cysts. He said that many people have cysts while they are pregnant and it should not have effected my pregnancy.

To say that we are sad, disappointed, and confused doesn't even begin to cover what we are feeling. We go back to meet with Dr. D on the 29th to discuss everything and hopefully decide how to move forward from here. Please continue to pray for us.